Birth to Eventual Toughness

Have you ever had
An incubus in your vagina
That lasted for hours
Days and nights all in a row
Even
While you are with insomnia
One demon right after another
Throbbing pain
Occasional blood spots?

I have.

Relentless
Pulsating dark energy
Claiming I should take it all
As a compliment,
Numb
Disturbed internally
Voiceless
Unfree

I, not even caring,
Only extremely tense
Stone-hearted
After awhile.

Birth to eventual toughness.

Have you once woken up
In a locked room
With a man sitting in a chair
Outside the room’s window
Watching you
Blood smeared on the floor
Physical pain
But no physical marks
On the body?

I have.

Like dark scenes
Of a movie
Hell on wheels
Whips
Chains
Life upside-down
Punishment
Hole in the head
Bang!

I, not even caring,
Only extremely tense
Stone-hearted
After awhile.

Birth to eventual toughness.

Have the voices ever whispered
Or yelled
Over and over again
About a future you
In pain
Not mental pain that you’ve
Earned your degree in, but...
Super Physical Torture,
And it is about to come
Like a thief in the night?

I have.

Being stuffed in little boxes
Trapped
Eyeballs rolling
Fear
Pressure
Eventuality
Lies, trickery
Cry like a baby
Beg for mercy

I, not even wanting to care,
But way beyond anxiety,
And extremely tense
Stone-hearted
After awhile.

Have you ever been so
Extremely tense
And stone-hearted
That you knew
If you physically died
That your soul would not leave the body
And you would be buried
Underground
Trapped in flesh
In the dark
Until the tension released,
And the demons told you
That could be like forever?

I have.

Yet...

I endured.
I am here on the other side of life
And the demons are gone
And my tensions have released
​And I do care
And I am glad that I am free.
​
And I still have toughness.
Middle finger upright to my demonic experiences.